Otherside
by despicableme21
Summary: Angsty one-shot, inspired by Mackelmore's 'Otherside' & 'Same Love'. Brittany's pain after Santana's suicide. Rated M for suicide/rape suggestion. !TRIGGER WARNING! In Loving Memory of Gabby 1993-2011, & Cory Monteith 1982-2013.


**A/N: I was driving to Uni today, and was listening to Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – 'Otherside' & 'Same Love'. It gave me the inspiration to write this.**

**It strikes close to my heart, not everyone is able to say goodbye to the people they love, I wasn't and I doubt Lea was, my heart goes out to her in this difficult time.**

**In Loving Memory of Gabby 1993-2011, & Cory Monteith 1982-2013.**

* * *

Water droplets are racing down the window, only coming to a victory once they have smashed into the end of the glass. Ending the race. I watch in amusement, finding something so simple, giving me a little pleasure. It has been so long, I don't even know the last time I smiled, let alone found something amusing.

My friends try to be supportive, coming over, bringing me baskets of food because they fear I'm not capable of looking after myself. Q has been over almost every day for the past month, keeping an eye on me. She fears I'll follow the same path. Little does she know I would never do that. As much as it hurts me now, I couldn't do that. All the people I'd leave behind. They would blame themselves, much like I'm doing now. I could never inflict this kind of guilt on anyone.

"_If I do anything stupid, remember its not your fault_."

Yeah okay. That doesn't help. I will sit here and wonder about all the times I should have noticed. The times I turned a blind eye, or lied for you. I was trying to protect you, and here I sit, alone. I should have told someone what happened. I shouldn't have let you go through it alone.

"_Remember, I will always love you, you are my best-friend, you are my better half. You are my everything."_

It doesn't feel like you love me anymore. It feels like you just left because you couldn't deal with all the drama going on in your life. I know it was hard, believe me I know. I held you all those times, pulled you close to me. I tried to fight your demons for you but I just couldn't. I wasn't strong enough for both of us. And right now I'm barely strong enough for me.

"_I'm sorry Britt. It wasnt my fault." The blood was dripping down._

I remember coming over, finding you curled up in your bed. Mascara smudged across your tear tread face. You were broken. There was blood on your hand, and I knew what you had done. I pulled you into my arms until your tears stopped. Then you told me what he did. Because you needed to be "fixed". I saw red. You told me not to say anything, and I didn't. But to this day I still deny that it was me who broke his nose. Or slashed his tires, and thrown a rock through his windscreen. And the spray-paint most certainly wasn't me.

_I was standing at my locker, I couldn't wait to see you. First day back after spring break of our senior year. My phone was vibrating like crazy. I had 3 missed calls and 2 messages from Q. I called her back, and she asked where I was, I told her and she said not to move. I didn't know what was going on but when she came into view I knew it was serious. She took me outside and we stood at the front gates, I couldn't see you car in the designated cheerio's car spots. That should have been my first clue. _

_She told me you were gone, that she'd overheard Coach and Figgins talking about it. About how to tell everyone. I broke down, and Quinn held me up. She was the only thing stopping me from passing out right then and there. After she called my mum, we were called back inside by Coach; in the auditorium Figgins stood up, and told everyone what had happened. The entire school was silent. Then it started, the glee kids were first. Their pain evident. Then the cheerios, the football team, and eventually the entire student body. i got up and walked out, no one stopped me, not even coach. But Quinn followed close behind. I collapsed into the drivers seat of her car and she took me home. We watched the Lion King and had tea. She spent the night. _

So here I stand. Contemplating the rest of my life. What do I do now? I passed senior year, by some miracle, and just moved to New York. It was always your dream though. How can I dance now? My inspiration, my reasons to live and breathe is now gone. I should have been walking down the aisle in a white dress, getting married in New York was always our dream - after college of course, and now I have nothing.

_The service ended and the black cars pulled up. The people piled in, as the procession followed the hearse to the cemetery. The usual bubbly blonde held a somber expression. Her life had practically been ripped away from her, this was the most she had done in a week, she hadn't moved from her bed since the day she found out. Now here she was, walking beside the family of the girl she loved, in a black dress instead of a white one. There would never be a wedding, or children or college for them. It was over now. _

I spent a week in bed, incapable of doing more then lying there. It wasn't real, it couldn't be. And yet there was the ever so painful reminder that you wouldn't be coming over. You wouldn't be coming to my house anymore. No more sleepovers and our plans for the future thrown out the window. The heart-shattering truth was all to clear, echoing around the empty bedroom we shared so many nights in. I would now be alone at night, without you to hold me.

I will remember you forever, and one day I'll be strong again. I'll be able to do all the things we had dreamed we could do. I will travel to Paris, and lock our names onto the bridge, because our love is eternal. I will dance with Beyonce, because you told me I was too good not to. I will cherish you forever, even though I never got to say goodbye. I know now that this is the best thing, because I hope its better up there.

I love you Santana.


End file.
